The above is evidence that it has been summer here in Arizona, but you couldn't tell by looking at today's weather. The above video was taken in April when Balin and I took the kids camping in Cottonwood at Dead Horse State Ranch. We borrowed my parent's big motorhome and took the bikes. The kids had a great time and rode their bikes around and around and met the other kids in the campground. The river was gorgeous and we promised that next time we would bring Sam's fishing pole as we could see the fish jumpin.
Shortly after this weekend away my dad's health deteriorated badly. We got home and from April through May 19th, when he passed, he was stuck in his bed. He had a couple of weeks where his mind was good and he was able to converse like his old self, his body was just not able to do much. By the third week in May he was ready to pass and did on Wednesday the 19th.
It's interesting, this whole death process. It was so wonderful in some ways to have a extended period of time where he was with us but we all realized that it wasn't for long as it made everyone spend as much time as possible with him. My brother spent a total of 6 weeks near my dad's bedside since January and I am sure that he had no regrets about it. My sister and I were able to pretty much put our schedules on hold and be available, as much as our families and their schedules allowed. (The kids can only watch so much T.V. at Grandma's house.) Balin unfortunately was gone during much of the time, but when he was home he too was at dad's bedside giving encouragement and telling stories. The whole process seemed such a natural one and a good one. In contrast, I can't help thinking of when loved one's are unexpectedly taken and there is no closure, no last words/kisses/hugs/I love you's. I am very grateful for the process we've been allowed to partake in with my dad's passing.
The week following my dad's death was somewhat surreal as you know he's gone, but the impact of it hasn't hit you yet, at least it didn't for me. We had a lovely viewing/memorial here in Prescott where many friends and relatives came to say their good byes and acknowledge the impact my dad had had in their lives. Memorial weekend we headed to Elk Washington, outside of Spokane, to have another memorial service and lay my dad to rest. It was so touching to again see so many people who have been impacted by my dad and were really touched by his passing. He will be missed by many.
Back home, we are adjusting to his absence which is hitting me harder now then it did intially. I really miss him. There are so many things that we did together that I now just do and think how happy he would be knowing we were doing these things now - even in his absence and with his memory close by. Sometimes at night I get really sad thinking how much I miss him. I can't wait to see him in Heaven. Sam and I were talking about that this morning as we were snuggling in my bed. We said we were looking forward to going on bike rides with Grandpa, doing flips on the trampoline with him, going back packing....so many things that Grandpa loved to do.
Dad's not gone though, I can feel him. He's waiting to show us around when we pass from this world and I can't wait. (or maybe I can...)
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