It's been over a month since Dina's passing. Her memorial service was a couple of weeks ago on a cold, snowy February Saturday.
In all honesty it's been a couple of years since Dina and I had hung out and shared our lives. She was one busy girl and my guess is she could've said the same about me.
We used to hang out. We used to chat about all sorts of things - deep and shallow - it didn't really matter, it was just fun to be around each other.
We met one morning at MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). She was this beautiful, tall woman - dressed and put together at 9am in the morning. I started chatting with her and soon found out that she had just moved from NYC - Manhattan - to Prescott. WHAT? I was a bit flabbergasted that someone could move from the center of...so many things...to little, dry Prescott. And so I started asking her questions.
It turns out NYC wasn't all that great for raising a family in - especially if you had to work - which meant putting your children into childcare or getting the "nanny" to fill in where really a mom wants to be. I remember she told me that people were putting there children on waiting lists for schools as soon as they were born. Really? Wow. So Dina and PJ moved. To not Prescott proper, but Dewey. Wow, you're a brave mama Dina!
Dina wasn't so sure about the faith component of the MOPS agenda, but rolled with it. She reinforced her lack of religious fervor by tossing her hair aside and showing me the large tattoo stating she was "LIBERAL" on the back of her neck. I laughed, said something like, "that's a commitment!" and we moved on. One day at MOPS Dina came up to me and we were chatting about something and she said, "You know, you and I are on the same bus. Not everybody is on the same bus, going the same place, but you and I are." It took me a minute...bus...are we going somewhere...or allegorical..."yeah, I agree...we're on the same SHORT bus!" We grinned and gave each other a knowing wink.
During this time, I was becoming more and more aware that there were so many women who were so amazing and yet had no faith. Clearly they had an interest in faith or they wouldn't be coming to a MOPS meeting, but they had no real connection to the bigger picture of faith, who God is and what it means to follow Him. Also at that time, Balin and I were struggling in church as we couldn't find a place where we could bring those people who wanted to search and seek but didn't want to be burdened with religion or doctrine.
Well, if there's not a place we can invite people into, we'll just create it ourselves. (I'm sure there were lots of places that were living out their faith, we just weren't aware of them.) See, I'm not a huge fan of religious fanfare myself. I appreciate the traditions that have been passed down through the ages and I have great respect for those who have gone before us and given us their wisdom through teaching and tradition. It's just that for so many of my friends, that stuff's just not that important. In fact it really turns them off.
So I had an idea....(Balin shudders with expectation when I say those words)
Let's invite all our friends over to our house, have dinner, provide childcare, watch a short clip about something bigger than ourselves and then we'll talk about it.
For those of you who knew me during this time...it was a tough time. Balin was traveling 175 days a year, Sam and Perrin were 1 & 3 and I was just barely holding on by a thread most days. But - I felt compelled to participate in something bigger than me and share it with my friends. Most of my friends were in similar situations as me - maybe their husbands weren't gone, but they all had struggles; lack of sleep, financial stress that often comes with staying home, no alone time, feeling overweight without the strength/time/energy to change it - the list goes on.
So I invited a beautiful group of Young Life girls to be my babysitters, cleaners and "make-it-happen" people. Every other Saturday we would come together around 4:30, have dinner together - I would make all the food and the girls would clean it up - spend some time socializing - and then the adults would head out to the garage for some meaningful time together. (We left 3 sitters with up to 15 kids under 5 running around our house - the thought frightens me now but it was all par for the course back then.)
We watched Rob Bell's videos on an idea - like love, or evil or music. The videos were artistic and beautiful and short - with a couple of thought provoking ideas that were good for discussion.
Now, all of the 10 couples that we invited weren't church goers - they weren't necessarily interested in going to church - but they were interested in something bigger than themselves, especially now as parents, they grasped that it wasn't just about them - becoming a parent forced them into a situation where they would have to reevaluate what life was about and where do we get our purpose and meaning from. For most of the women, these conversations came more naturally. But for the men...ah the men. Most of the women I invited said, "there's no way my husband would ever go to church and I don't think that he'd come to one of your dinners". Well they came. They talked. They engaged. Saturday evenings became a place for many to connect in a deeper way.
Dina was one of the women I invited to Saturday nights. She said that PJ would never be interested in anything like that, but he came. I don't remember how often they came - maybe it was just once. But the one time I remember Dina being there the video was about music. Rob talked about how music speaks to our souls the way nothing else can - that it stirs up in us a longing that we didn't know we had. C.S. Lewis says it best:
“The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located
will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them,and what came through them was longing.
These things—the beauty, the memory of our own past—are good images of what we
really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols,breaking the hearts of their worshippers.
For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory
I remember Dina was struck by this and it seem to hit a deep chord with her.
In the midst of all of this Saturday night stuff and MOPS meeting and Balin traveling - my dad was still around and healthy. One night he had extra tickets to a musical performance at the local theatre and he and my mom asked if I would like to go. Balin was out of town so I asked Dina if she would like to join me. I have to say she was such a sport. It turned out to be a sit down dinner for some fundraising event followed by a guy singer - one of those who was really popular and good 30 years ago - but was one of those guys who sometimes made you cringe in your seat. Yeah. Dina moved to NYC to further her career in performing arts - and she had come to Prescott to see our finest. Of that evening though, I was most thankful to her for sitting next to my dad and taking it with not just a grain of salt, but really engaging and enjoying my dad. (For those of you who knew my dad that was not an easy task as he was quite the interrogator. I guess he was on our "bus")
I was so grateful for her that evening as I found a friend who loved the people I loved and made life a bit brighter because of it.
Dina's and my friendship continued to grow with play dates with the kids and dogs - luncheons and dinners. We talked about all sorts of stuff but a reoccurring theme kept coming up - faith. There was something going on deep inside Dina as she kept talking about how she used to love going to church, knowing God - but how she had grown cold and bitter in that part of her life as an adult. We didn't go into the details until much later - and that was her part of the story to tell not mine - but the effects of decisions, both hers and others, had left it's mark and she didn't know how to fix it.
During this time a popular book was circulating called, The Shack. It's a story about a man who's life was torn apart by the kidnapping and killing of his daughter (it was so hard to read as a parent) and the process of finding peace and faith through a encounter he had with God. It's a great book and I highly recommend it if you haven't read it. I remember reading the book and thinking - Dina has got to read this. I ordered multiple copies of the book and when I received them I drove over to Dina's house and left the book on the front porch saying, "Please read - it will change your life."
She did read it and from her accounts it did change her life. Dina took the fast track to faith - once she found the path she ran down it - stopping long enough to laugh and reach out a hand to those around her and bring them with her. I swear during the following months of her deciding to follow Jesus she became a completely different person - with all the beautiful parts magnified and the hard, bitter parts shrinking in the light of faith.
It was beautiful.
And then came the day she found a lump in her breast.
It changed everything - but at the same time nothing. The things that were solidly in place in Dina didn't change - they just shined brighter.
You can read Dina's account of her journey through breast cancer at
www.dinasboobblog.blogspot.com
You are a beautiful person Dina - you've left a huge crater in the world but I know, without a doubt that we will see you again where the music will no longer create a longing that can't be satisfied. We will be in our home country.
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