Day 3 in Hurricane, UT, the cool gateway to Zion National Park, called for some quick thinking. We cozied up in the trailer all morning, then geared up in the afternoon for an epic ride through Zion. Our dog was all set with treats, a bark collar, and plenty of fresh air in the trailer, and we were off, hoping for a 20-30 mile adventure through one of America’s most stunning parks.
With traffic piling up, we parked a couple of miles from the park entrance. Armed with our shiny new America the Beautiful Parks Pass, we zipped right past the lines on our gravel bikes, just as planned. But what we didn’t see coming was the swarm of people on rented electric throttle bikes who seemed to be learning on the fly. I felt like Tia Leone in Spanglish, shouting “Left…Left” as I tried to weave through the crowd. Patience wasn’t my strong suit, and it cost me. For some reason, the two groups ahead of us suddenly stopped, and so did Balin and I, but not before I got my foot stuck in the pedal. I toppled over, taking Balin’s bike with me. Once back on my feet, I pedaled on to open spaces, only to realize Balin was missing. I turned around to find him on the roadside with a busted derailleur hanger. His bike was a goner. He patched it up with tape, and we headed back to the truck. Luckily, it was all downhill, so he could coast Fred Flintstone style with one foot.
Back at the trailer, we changed clothes and switched gears to hike to the RedBull Rampage site, a 4-mile trek from our campsite. A lonely white dirt road led us to some of the wildest mountain bike jumps I’ve ever seen. Apparently, riders and their crews have less than a week to build their own jump lines with just shovels and rakes, and on the final day, they get two runs to wow the judges. The first-place winner pockets a $100k prize, which, from what I hear, mostly covers team travel and lodging. $100k isn’t enough to hurl yourself down a mountain on a two-wheeled “Noble Invention.” As Ezekiel Emanuel in “Eat Your Ice Cream” wisely advises for optimal health, “Don’t be a Schmuck.” Doing the RedBull Rampage is definitely for Schmucks.
With daytime temps in the 40s and nights in the 20s, Balin and I are eagerly waiting for our mountain bikes to return. Then, we’re off to Sun City West for some sunshine (or rain) and a whole lot more room to chill out during the unpredictable weather.
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